Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Fluff Interviews Arthur About Chinese Year of the Dog


By Elaine Meinel Supkis

We are conducting an exciting experiment: interviewing a celebrity online, using our comments section! Today, we wish to interview Arthur, the online literary sensation, about the Chinese Year of the Dog.
Hello, everyone. You have probably seen my gorgeous face on this blog, both with the inept cartoons of the human that is my personal slave and from equally inept photographs which will do, for now. I do consider changing slaves but feel a sense of responsibility for the one I own right now and I realize, good slaves are hard to find. Arthur, I want to introduce you to a possible fiance, for the Year of the Dog is, according to the Chinese, a good year to get hitched.

And I want to get rid of this dumb dog, so perhaps we can work out a deal. Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, marry a dog and go down the hatch!

Heh. Meow.
Year of the Dog! Year of the Dog! Give me a bone! I want to be hugged! I love everyone! Bark bark.

Wow, Fluff, you really do care about me! I thought, when you swipe at my nose when sitting on my beloved owner's lap, you didn't like me all that much!
(Examining the super sharp claws, critically) I think I better go to the office door and give my claws a good workout. Obviously, they aren't sharp enough.

Look, DOOOOG, I have to think of everything around here including YOU. *shudder* You are so friendly and anxious to please, it makes me positively ill. The grand art of the cold shoulder, the imperious glance, the refusal to move out of a slave's chair when they want to sit down, no wonder dogs are slaves of humans. Well.

Today, we wish to negotiate with Arthur who seems to be an up and coming best selling author and who is, according to my spies in his own house, a bachelor, too. We have a picture of him already for this interview and want to chat with him below in the comments section. We will then move the chat here and illustrate it with the assistance of my personal slave, Elaine, if she doesn't flub things as usual.

Time to groom me, Elaine. I hope to see Arthur here some time this morning. Thank you, everyone, for your patience (that dog better show up....errrrr).

First off, here is the URL for news about the Chinese New Year: Year of the Dog>
My agent said this would happen. It all happened because Xlibris invited me to give them some money so I could publish my work. It is true. I received an email. I wrote about it at my blog.

Oh. Usually I do not talk directly to cats unless they can do something for me. But Fluff, you seem to have some impressive connections, so I will talk to you. I am a confirmed bachelor, though. Management saw to that. Special surgery and all. That is why I have a lot of bonhomie. I do not chase girls or cars.
Hi, Arthur.

This is the Year of the Dog. I know, it is a black year for us cats, but my slave's daughter is getting married this year to someone who is Chinese and so I suppose it is all OK but her cats told me, she should have waited for the Year of the Tiger, instead.

I am sorry to hear about your operation (HAHAHA) but then, there are already too many dogs here, anyways.

Are you planning any special celebrations or whatnot like fireworks tonight?
Fireworks are out of the question. Even though I am a true (Welsh) American, I do not like them, even on the Fourth of July. It's really windy here in the heartland, and we would not want to catch someone's house on fire, like ours for example. Maybe we will have Chinese takeout. I like crispy wonton and Moo goo gai pan or really anything, except those little red peppers. Our favorite Chinese restaurant of all time was called Pig Heaven on the Upper West Side. We have Chan's Garden here. Judy is the owner from Singapore. She is nice, but dogs can't come inside because liberals made a stupid law.
Hi, good looking! Wow. Too bad about the ops.

I HATE red peppers. Even old Fluff hates them. We do LOVE Chinese take-out and firmly believe all dogs, when they die, go to a giant "All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet" in Heaven! I love finger-food.

Does your owner let you bury bones? Mine does, so long as it isn't in the peony flower patch by her office window.

(I grew up around loud bangs from guns so fireworks aren't a problem)

Also, I heard they let dogs eat out in Paris. Have you ever considered moving there?
Yo, Akamaru!

I like girl dogs and all. It's just - well, you know. I have a young friend, Tigger, who you might like, but his people are nuts. Always check out the people before making a commitment.

Yes, I can bury anything I want. Once I helped to bury a cat. His name was Vinnie. Actually, I helped plant tulips bulbs on his grave. My face got a little dirty, and my "owner" gave me a bath.

Akamaru, you have to get over this "owner" business. I have been around a long time. It's fine to pretend to sit and settle and stay, but in your own mind, you have to say to yourself, "Akamaru, YOU are the master."

Peonys are very nice. Tasha Tudor has peonys. And she has Corgis, so anything Tasha Tudor has is A-OK with me.

I know how you can get a buffet before you go to heaven, but you have to get Fluff in on the caper. Maybe we shouldn't talk about it online.

Unless I could hitch a ride with Barney Bush or some other rich dog who does not have to ride in the cargo hold, I would not go to Paris.

The French humans are ahead of the ones here, it sounds like to me. I like eclairs. And French Fries.
Whoa! Wait.

Akamaru, go to the other room, I have to talk alone here for a minuto, OK?

Hissss. What are you, Arthur, some sort of REVOLUTIONARY? Commie dog? First you talk about burying cats, you Khruschev, you, then you suggest the dog here go off on a power trip?

Think you are some sort of Canine Che?

I got a good thing going here. Better not rock my boat, if you get my drift.
Elcairs! I love to listen "Au Elcaire de la Lune" by Debussy.

Problem with France is, you got to speak French. I can't. Fluff can, but then, he is multilingual since he seems to use his eyes to talk, some sort of hypnotism.

I stare at humans and end up looking sad.

oops. Typo. "Eclair" I meant.
Gads, dogs can entertain if nothing else.
Fluff,
If you would read my blog, you would know that I am a conservative.

Like most bi-peds who call themselves conservatives, I just take what I want and then have my lawyer handle it. Or I pay a Congress person to change a law so I can do whatever I want.

That's the way it crumbles, Fluff, cookie-wise.* I suppose you are a Quaker.

Akamaru, your people sound cool, but what is it with these liberals that they have to have a lot of cats? I do not care about equality.

Fluff, Clarence, who is a cat, is sleeping on the scanner. He refuses to learn my name or any dog name. Well, when your brain is the size of a strawberry seed, I guess it could fill up pretty fast. Laugh all you want. I am a Buddhist, anyway.
Hey, smart cat! Sounds like he is one of my clan!

Conservative for a dog is different for a cat. I know, you guys put first dibs on humans back when you all were living in caves and hunting mastadons but once humans grew smart enough, they moved into houses and there we were!

Heh.
I love you, Arthur! I will share my bones with you! What is the name of your lawyer? I could use him here.
Fluff, humans never admit that they are descended from Fred and Wilma Slintstone. And before that Chimpanzees. No, it's always Charlemagne or the Tudors.

My ancestors hung out with Flemish weavers. My human has a sewing machine. "Plus ca change, plus le meme chose." That's French, Fluff.
My mistress often tells me, Bush is a chimp. I heard on the news yestserday that there are even fewer genetic differences between chimps and humans than previously thought.

So I guess, this means eventually, humans are regressing? Looks like it from here.
Yeah, here we are, breeding leading to us being more and more superior while humans regress.

See? The Cat Plan Of World Domination is working.

Humans think they are the New World Order. Maybe it is time for us cats and you dogs to join forces and maybe even bring in Sparky, he is plenty smart and pretty big, too.

Today, the farm, tomorrow, the world!

And no pigs. We read "Animal Farm".
Akamaru, most everyone loves me unless they are stupid. Maybe you would like to join my fan club. I would comp you in and everything.

My lawyer is called Bill Able Hours, Esq.
Thank you, Arthur and thank your companion, Facti, for coming here today. I will transcribe this into an article.

Time to close this interview before I end up in court with my PETS suing me (I never lose a court case, cat!).

Anyway, this has been a lot of fun and we might do this more often.
Fluff, believe it or not, totally agree on the pigs thing. Does Sparky know his way to the grocery store? Someone would have to learn to deal with door knobs. Otherwise, I'd say we're in the clear. I'm sure I will get rich with my blog and newsletter. I could hire you to fetch snacks. I can pay bills online or get my lawyer to sue everyone so we don't have to pay any bills ever.

Akamaru, as you know I am a conservative. We are supposed to like Bush. Barney looks tense to me. Do you think he is trying to tell us something? Bush said he would get the terrorists. My human says Bush is a terrorist. I wonder if Dick Chain-ee spied on Bush.
Bush dropped Barney on his head, nearly killing him.

He is our enemy.
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Friday, December 23, 2005

Jaywalking During the Nixon Era Continued:


By Elaine Meinel Supkis

Many Americans are being told that the Patriot Act is a new thing. I want everyone to know, it is old hat for GOP Presidents to misuse the law, ignore the Constitution and to abuse power. Unlike so many left leaning blogs, I don't just want to talk about all this but figure, why now illustrate how it worked in the past. Fighting for freedom isn't easy and it involves real, pitched battles as the Chinese and Korean peasant farmers can attest this very day. We are always in a struggle for truth and freedom which is why our oppressors like to hijack that language and pretend murdering civilians is bringing power to them.

It turned into a full scale riot. We had the police shoot so much tear gas at us this year that we would sniff it and say, "Ah, this is better than nose spray!" We became rather immune to the smell of tear gas.

But while locked in the paddy wagon, I began to worry, what if it is set on fire? That would really make me unhappy. Luckily, this didn't happen. It struck me as odd that not one person was put in the van with me. I didn't know it was because the cops couldn't get near enough to put anyone in and were actually running from the scene of the actions. This is how, after shooting at us at People's Park which was a peaceful demonstration until the police refused to let anyone go down Telegraph Avenue.

I was in my own, private cell, even. They put everyone else in crowded cells but not me. This was tremendously boring. People were laughing and singing in the other cells on other levels and I could faintly hear them. After midnight, my future husband, David, and some of my friends bailed me out. It was now very cold and foggy outside but I one of the guys gave me a jacket.

In the jail, the police threatened to hit me with "inciting a riot" charges but they evidently gave up on that since there were just too many witnesses to my calls for calm before and during the riot. They did hold this against me for I was blamed later for a riot I didn't even know had happened!

The obvious point is, the arrest should have never happened. And living in a police state that is not accepted by the populace always leads to blow-ups like we used to have at Berkeley and in other parts of America.

Today, the country is quiet but it isn't because all is well, it is because it is the quiet before a storm. The petty concerns of the right, worried about my sex life or your intimate relations, worried about "Merry Christmas" and the Easter Bunny, these people want us to ignore the destruction of America as they cooperate with power hungry creeps who are the spawn or worked for Nixon and his gang.

The candidate for the Supreme Court is one of these puppies, Alito, a far right wing religious nut who doesn't give a fig about the Constitution or my civil rights, he is happy to take control of my body just like the police wanted to control us back under Nixon. We wrestled for our rights, our freedoms and we paid in blood, sometimes.

And here we are, in a similar situation. It is important for us all to resist the powers of the state and to encourage everyone to support our Constitution and to fix our elections so they reflect the will of the people and we must waken our right wing fellow citizens from their childish dreams: there is no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny. Life is serious. There is a storm about to break and building beach houses without any flood insurance=disaster.

To see part one of this cartoon, click here.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Today is Like, So Like it Was in 1969


By Elaine Meinel Supkis

Only cartoons can really tell what happened in the past and what it means today. The culture wars we started in the Summer of Love continue to reverberate in funny and awful ways. So let us time travel together to those halcylon days of yore.

This cartoon will take quite a few hours to do so stay tuned for each episode. It is a LOOOONG story, all 100% true.

This is the year I nearly died several times. Some rather strange things happened, not all of them pleasant.

When I was Shanghaied by a motorcycle gang that was fueding with the Hell's Angels, it got rather dicey. They were going to kill me until they got hungry on the road. One of them ran over a rabbit and I cheerfully gutted it with one of their switchknives, skinned it and cooked it on a makeshift cooking range I rigged out of rocks and some metal. They were so impressed, the asked me to show other skills. This pleased them until they discovered my hidden skills.

The Oakland Tact Squad were the super mean guys. They loved to beat up hippies. And yes, one did, after meeting me on the street and trying to clobber me, came to my pad to ask for a date! Worse, I accepted! It was really funny. He wanted me to marry him.

Gads. No way in hell.

A nonviolent artist who was the typical laid-back person who I had met only once before this happened, heard the guns going off during the People's Park police riot and opened the door, hearing his neighbors screaming outside, and was shot dead center in the face and lost both eyes. Not too long afterwards, his baby girl died. A tragedy. I couldn't believe Reagan decided to kill us. But he did and at that point, we lost all ability to call the police for help. They were out to destroy us. If someone attacked us, the police would stand aside and let them do their worst. This is when I formed my first street patrol to protect people especially after the minister who let us use his church for meetings and such was badly beaten in a back alley by the police one night.

I saw my childhood friend from Tucson, John Damon, across the street unexpectedly. I yelled to him, but he didn't hear me over the street noise so I decided to jaywalk over and snag him only I was snagged. At long last, the police had an excuse to arrest me. Odd, going to jail for jaywalking. Unheard of, actually, except in a police state. But getting me to jail hit some serious snags!

A fellow teen, a street kid named "Sinbad" decided to save me. He succeeded in slashing at least one tire. This ticked off the police who couldn't drive away from the growing crowd so they called in more troops. They arrived with a paddy wagon and threw me unceremoniously inside. I told the crowd, as I was being tossed, to make room for them to drive me off, it was OK. But then things grew truly ugly.

Friday, November 11, 2005

AWOL Bush and Deferment Cheney Celebrate Vets' Day

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By Elaine Meinel Supkis

Bush and Cheney chickened out of the Vietnam war but both men love to visit the graves of those who went instead of them. I suppose this gives them real satisfaction to see how much better off cowards are. Why vets cheer these two slackers mystifies me. But then, Bush voters always mystify me.
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Thursday, November 03, 2005

Newly Released Emails Show Brownie Was Worried About Fashion Rather than Hurricane

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By Elaine Meinel Supkis

Brown's emails during the hurricane were released today. Most deal with him fretting about his fashion statements and how he looked on TV! Arrest him, arrest his second in command, Cindy Taylor, arrest Bush. Make Condi walk barefoot.

From Yahoo:
A House panel has released 23 pages of internal e-mail offering additional evidence of a confused and distracted government response to Katrina, particularly from Brown, the former head of Federal Emergency Management Agency, at critical moments after the storm hit.

The e-mails show that Brown, who had been planning to step down from his post when the storm hit, was preoccupied with his image on television even as one of the first FEMA officials to arrive in New Orleans, Marty Bahamonde, was reporting a crisis situation of increasing chaos to FEMA officials.

"My eyes must certainly be deceiving me. You look fabulous — and I'm not talking the makeup," writes Cindy Taylor, FEMA's deputy director of public affairs to Brown on 7:10 a.m. local time on Aug. 29.

"I got it at Nordstroms," Brown writes back. "Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home?" An hour later, Brown adds: "If you'll look at my lovely FEMA attire, you'll really vomit. I am a fashion god."

A week later, Brown's aide, Sharon Worthy, reminds him to pay heed to his image on TV. "In this crises and on TV you just need to look more hardworking ... ROLL UP THE SLEEVES!" Worthy wrote, noting that even President Bush "rolled his sleeves to just below the elbow."
All Bush photo-ops are faked. He is a clothes horse's ass, the naked emperor who puts on fashion shows while people die.

Of course, his close courtiers do the same. Shop until you drop, or rather, until your citizens drop dead.

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Monday, October 31, 2005

Halloween Fun on my Mountain

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By Elaine Meinel Supkis

I took this picture today at sunrise. When I downloaded it, look at what appeared! And this is at daybreak, not at night! Tonight, it will be mostly clear and I hope to see Mars. Last night, it was as orange as a pumpkin thanks to the dust storms there. I wonder if the Mars Rovers are OK? I know that dust storms ruined at least one car of mine in Arizona, years ago.

Here in upstate NY, we have snow storms and the cars rust a lot thanks to that. I suppose, it is worse, in that regard, here.

Enjoy your Halloween, everyone, and keep the candy bowl wells stocked! On our mountain, we get no trick or treaters. The hike is long and steep and very dark and the oak and maples lining the road makes it look inviting only if you are Jack the Ripper, a werewolf or Karl Rove.

I'll tell the dogs to keep vigilant.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Bush Explains Plamegate

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By Elaine Meinel Supkis

Bush falls back on daddy's and Reagan's handling of treasonous or Nixon's criminal excuses. They worked then and he hopes the old magic will work today. Out of the loop!

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